What Your Tweenager Must Know About Sex

When your child leaves home for regular school, his family ties are very strong, but his school teacher, school-mates, their parents and the highly-admired football hero or class leader offer information and points of view that also help to shape his outlook on life. He will hear more, do more, deal more, and watch more TV, than ever before.

Sometimes a Junior School child (7 to 9) seems to have forgotten all about sex. Smith is extra coy, John is not one bit interested in the bare bodies of the other sex, Susan objects to being seen without her clothes. It means that your child has begun to sense the customs of the world he lives in and is trying to adjust. Sexual questions are less frequent and your child may even refuse to hear you talk about sex.

Several things seem to contribute to the lessening of sex desires at this age. There is a change in the sex glands; growth hormones become more active and sex hormones quieten down (for a few, short years!) There is also the more varied and active life that your child leads. He is able to do and understand more things and has less need to find bodily pleasure in every experience.

This does not make the Junior School child an utter blank, sexually. Obviously, children vary. Some may shift their interest to and from sex at one age, some at another, some not at all. Some may delight in telling dirty jokes or using swear words.

It is up to you to try to encourage self-confidence and strengthen the areas that are blossoming, cheer accomplishments, answer any questions that come up promptly, patiently and truthfully, so that wrong information, that has to be later undone, is not picked up. And do expect to have these all-important questions come up over and over again. Answering them will be basic preparation for the time when sex begins to concern him or her more personally.

Nowadays, some schools keep animals which give a chance to the children to become familiar with mating, birth and suckling of the young. It is easier for children to learn these facts in an impersonal situation in school and they can discuss and clear up further questions at home.

Sometimes you may have to explain ‘bad words’ briefly, just to dispel the notion that there is something mysterious and special about them – after which you can make it plain, without punishment, that such talk is a form of bad manners, like nose-picking or urinating in public, and that it is offensive to most people.

Middle-schoolers (9 to 12) have to be formally prepared for the great and vital changes which bring their bodies to maturity. It is a time that tries the patience and understanding of even the best parents – the child answers back, is sloppy, noisy, and disobedient. On the other hand, the pre-teen’s blunt interest in facts makes him a good subject for certain aspects of sex education.

So, although your daughter may talk brashly and openly about sex (that is, if you have a good rapport), and your son may show an unholy appetite for lurid magazines and movies, they are merely extending a growing interest in all areas of life. Their own sexual development is not very mature and they are not yet troubled by the urges of the adolescent.

What are the kinds of questions you can expect to hear from your pre-teen? Most probably, the questions they have asked you before, except that the terms are grown-up. Sometimes they’ll sound as though they don’t know anything. Even so, they are ready and need more exact knowledge. Make the information as specific and matter-of-act as possible, using correct words and terms.

Don’t be afraid if, at this stage, your child shows an interest in “unwelcome” subjects like rape, adultery, out-of-wedlock babies, violence and tragedies. Here’s your opportunity to dispel unpleasant and perhaps frightening misinformation and give a balanced view so that your child doesn’t get the idea that these troubles are the rule rather than an exception. You can also bring in the role of communication and love in a meaningful relationship.

If sexual curiosity seems too intense and troubling, look behind possible causes like a new baby in the house, parental neglect or the absence or infidelity of a parent.

Now sometimes, even if you are ready and willing to talk frankly, your child may find it hard to think and talk about sex. Some children smother their curiosity, some feel that grown-ups are embarrassed and consult their friends.

Perhaps you should examine your own attitude. Was your past communication incomplete, unclear or dull? Admit it and start afresh on a more realistic footing. You may have to look for openings to give your child the information he needs to know or to bring out bottled feelings. A wedding, a pregnancy or a birth are good casual starting points. And when your child discovers that you can talk freely, he will become less fearful and more ready to air his thoughts.

Here are some guidelines to help you provide factual information for your child between 7 and 12, to prepare him or her easily and comfortably for the deeper issues of adolescence.

BABY TALK

“How did you make me?” “How did I get inside Mummy?”

Sixes and sevens may be content just to hear that Daddy starts the baby inside Mummy.

For an older child, who wants to know more, explains it thus: There is a thick fluid in Daddy’s body which contains many tiny cells and he puts this in Mummy’s body where it joins another cell and this starts the baby in a special place called the womb.

What does daddy’s cells look like?

They are shaped like tadpoles or apostrophes. Each has a round head and a long, tapering tail which sways back and forth to take it to Mummy’s womb. About 250 of these measure one centimeter.

What does mummy’s cell look like?

It is round and about the size of the head of a pin. It is 125 times bigger than daddy’s cell.

How do daddy and mummy’s cells get together?

The fluid containing daddy’s cells comes out through his penis and joins mummy’s egg cell inside her body. This is called mating or sexual intercourse. It is done when two people love each other and want to be close.

Your child will certainly not understand this the first time it is explained. He’s too innocent, too inexperienced. He might find it funny – peculiar and silly rather than sexy. However, he’ll probably see it as just one more amazing aspect of his great, big, wonderful world.

When he is on the threshold of his teens, you can explain that, during intercourse, the father’s penis increases in length, becomes stiff and stands up at an angle from the body. This is an ‘erection’. It allows the father to insert his penis into the mother’s vagina where the cells are released in the thick fluid or ‘semen’. This is also the time when you can substitute words like ‘sperm’ and ‘ovum’ for male and female dells, adding that only one sperm can fertilize an ovum.

How does cell become a baby?

Once daddy’s cell enters mummy’s cell, it is ‘fertilized’ and starts dividing into two and then four and then eight until it becomes billions. And then these billion cells become the fingers and toes, legs and arms, nerves and muscles of the complete body.

At two months, the bay is 1½ cm long and floats in the womb in a bag of water; at four months it weights a quarter kilo; at six months, the mother can feel the baby move; at nine months, the baby is ready to come out into the world. (Show your child a pregnant neighbor or relative).

Can you get a baby every time you mate?

No, unless one of daddy’s cells finds and penetrates mummy’s cell, a baby will not be started. You might add at a later stage that just one cell is formed in mummy’s body each month and it lives for only a few days.

Why can’t mummy’s egg go into daddy?

Because men’s and women’s bodies are made differently. Daddy’s body has no place in which a baby can grow. Mummy’s body has a womb (don’t say ‘tummy’) which is at the upper end of the vagina, where a baby can develop and grow.

Make your son feel that being a daddy and supporting a family is just as important as bearing a baby.

When do mummy and daddy mate?

You don’t have to feed him unnecessary details. Just say that mating is a part of loving and wanting to have babies.

Is ‘semen’ the same as urine?

Since there is only one opening in the penis, your small son may imagine that semen and urine are the same. The answer is: No, Semen is a special, thick fluid whose only purpose is to carry male sperm cells to the outside of the body. Urine, which is a body waste, uses the same passage-way through the penis, but comes from a storage sac called the ‘bladder’ and never appears at the same time as semen.

How is baby born?

When the time comes, the mother gets signal from her stomach muscles. They get ready to push the baby out into the world through a special opening in her body which gets larger to let the baby out. Usually the baby comes out head first. The mother goes to a hospital where the doctor will help her deliver the baby.

Childbirth is often painful – let your child know this – but reassure her that the body is built to manage the process successfully. Your child will be thrilled to visit a newborn baby.

How big is the baby when she is born?

About 2½ or 3½ kilos – sometimes more, sometimes less. (Show her a baby-size doll). You were 3 kilos when you were born. If a baby arrives much earlier than it should and is very small, she may need special care.

How does the baby breathe inside the mother?

Baby doesn’t breathe air through her lungs the way you do. She gets her air from the mother’s blood, which reaches her through a tube called the ‘umbilical cord’.

Why do I have a belly button?

This is where the umbilical cord attached you to Mummy’s body. After you were born it was cut and tied. The place where it was is your belly button. You must keep it clean.

Does it hurt when the cord is cut?

(A child connects cutting any part of the body with pain.) An umbilical cord is made of tissue and there is no feeling when it is cut. It’s like cutting a nail or hair.

WHEN I GROW UP, I WANNA BE LIKE MUMMY.

What’s in that packet?

They’re just some sanitary pads that take up moisture. Mothers and big girls wear them to protect their clothing from a discharge that appears now and then. This discharge contains some waste blood and other substances that are not needed in the body at that time. The pads are used like a bandage.

What’s matter with my Sister?

Your son may wonder why his sister doesn’t join him with gusto in his games on certain days. This is a good time to tell him that she is having a ‘period’, as she is growing up to be like Mummy. Then explain in slightly more detail keeping the nitty-gritty for when he is older.

What is menstruation?

The word means “monthly flow” and it describes one part of the process by which your body prepares itself every 28 days or so for having a baby.

Every month, about two weeks before ‘menstruation’, an egg cell is formed in one of the two ovaries, the oval-shaped organs located at either side of the womb.

When one of the egg cells leaves the ovary, it finds its way into one of the fallopian tubes, of which there are two. This is called ‘ovulation.’

If the woman has had ‘intercourse’ and the egg is ‘fertilized’ by a male sperm cell, it travels down the tubes and attaches itself to the wall of the womb. Here it begins the great and wonderful process of creating a baby.

In getting ready for this, the lining of the womb thickens into a velvety surface with an extra supply of rich blood which nourishes the fertilized egg. If ‘fertilization’ does not take place, the womb doesn’t need the lining and it is drained away. It is this flow of blood from the vagina that we call “menstruation”.

This happens every month although it may be irregular for some time. It usually starts between 11 and 14, but each girl develops, at her own pace. Eventually it usually takes place once every 28 days, and lasts for 4 to 6 days.

It is wise to prepare your daughter from the age of nine. Tell her: During the next few years, your breast will appear, your hips will widen, hair will sprout under your arms, and in your ‘pubis’ (explain where it is), you will grow rapidly in height and weight (more so than boys of your age, that is, between 9 and 12), your skin may break out in pimples. And you may have your first period.

Her first period should be natural and expected and something to be proud of, rather than a shocking surprise. Help mould a healthy acceptance by the ease with which you can explain it; let your own childhood bad memories now become your strengths.

Unfortunately, old wives’ tales and taboos have led many women to regard menstruation as unclean, probably because it was believed that the person was ill and that the discharge might contaminate food. This led to all kinds of unhealthy restrictions – no baths, no exercise, no fresh air, no cooking, even no sitting at the dining table, so that it is even called a “curse”. It is better to use the term “period” (although the jocular school-girl term, “chum” will do) and to stress that menstruation is not an illness but a basic and beautiful aspect of being a woman.

Put your daughter in the right mood by giving her a belt and a box of pads, and help her look forward to the day with anticipation. Help her select her first bra.

When the flow begins, teach your daughter how to wear the pad, how to use a deodorant, how to ensure cleanliness and bathe daily, how to continue her normal routine and what to do about the slight discomfort she might feel. An adequate supply of vitamins and minerals, especially an iron supplement, will keep her generally fit. Make the first day happy and memorable by planning a little private celebration.

Remember that doctors stress that quite often menstrual discomfort is psychosomatic, so a lot depends on a good relationship between you and your daughter and on your own attitude to menstruation.

I’m scared! Why does it have to happen?

Some girls are not too happy about what has happened to them and may not even relate their depression to menstruation. They become withdrawn, irritable, function poorly in school, sleep restlessly, overeat or lose their appetites.

Sometimes there is a cry for attention. Your attention. Make your daughter understand that it is assign of growing up, of womanhood, of being like Mummy. Tell her that if she did not menstruate, she could never have children.

Sarah feels odd because she is the first in her class to menstruate. Reassurance and time will erase this feeling.

Susan overflows into her uniform, much to her embarrassment. A sanitary panty and an extra pad to change into in school can help.

Jeannie is too shy to buy her own sanitary pads – so her mother keeps a plentiful supply in a handy place.

Quite often a father who cuddles and dandles a little girl on his knees stops doing so abruptly when she reaches puberty. Make her feel that being Daddy’s Big Girl is as important as being Daddy’s Baby Doll. Do grown-up things with her; teach her to waltz, buy her a pretty dress and high-heeled shoes.

Parents, both of you together, can see her through this stage with sympathy, understanding and patience.

Does it hurt?

Usually not. But if it does, an aspirin and a hot-water bottle will make you well.

Cramps are often a sign of tension and worry. If your daughter’s periods are unusually painful, check with your doctor.

Why does menstruation begin before I want to have a baby?

It’s Nature’s way of getting you ready, a sign of growing up and becoming a woman, proof that you are perfectly healthy and normal.

When will my periods end?

Again, this depends on the woman. Generally, it ends between the ages of 47 and 52. They may stop suddenly or they may lessen over some years before finally stopping. This is called menopause and marks the end of a woman’s child-bearing years. Menstruation also stops for the nine months when a woman is pregnant.

LITTLE BOYS BECOME BIG BOYS, TOO

When will I become a man?

An eleven-year-old boy should similarly be prepared for the changes that will occur in his body. He may grow taller, hair will spring out of his armpits and groin, a beard will begin to appear, the size of his genitals will increase, his voice will change and embarrass him by slipping into soprano, he might get acne because of the chemical changes that are taking place in his blood.

These are Nature’s signs that he is coming of age, that he is becoming a man.

It is better for a father to explain all these changes. If you’ve been friends all along, that’s fine. But it’s also a good time to start, before you find the gap between you too large to bridge. After all it’s hard to delve straight into ticklish issues like masturbation and night emissions, which will affect him later in his teenage years.

BEWARE OF THAT ONE

Continue warning and educating your child about strangers and other suspicious adults. There are wicked, nasty sick people who harm children although they are not into majority. Be cautious about any adult who seems to be highly interested in your child and wants to spend a lot of time, especially nights, alone with him or her. Without being over-scary, stress that he or she must…

tell you about any improper advances made by adults, any adults – be they family members, teachers or coaches or priests.
ignore requests to give directions when he or she is alone.
not accept gifts or job-offers from a stranger and inform you when such an offer is made.
not keep any secrets from you.
differentiate between good and bad ‘touching’. Sometimes, seemingly innocent play leads to intimate body contact.
work out ways, like running and screaming, if threatened or abducted.

We ‘humans’ have got the life a billion years ago. There have been five mass extinctions in earth’s history. We are living through the sixth. And now we too are running at a pace to end it all. This time it will be our fault.

The new discoveries and inventions have made our lifestyle full of convenience. But our bodies require work. Just like the sedentary water starts smelling, the sedentary lifestyle has given rise to many chronic diseases like the heart problems, diabetes and hypertension.

Today, the health researchers are suggesting that most of the chronic diseases that have appeared in man’s life are due to STRESS. From where it has come. It is the bi-product of our so-called modern lifestyle.

We are standing at the edge of cliff. Immediate actions are required to bring back the healthy days. We must incorporate exercise, balanced diet, sound sleep, and the most importantly happy and positive thoughts to our lifestyle to get rid of all health problems.

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Gay Male Sex Toys

Regardless of whether you are new or experienced in the use of male gay sex toys, there are numerous adult products available specifically targeted at the homosexual male in today’s marketplace. Some male sex toys such as the cock ring, even though this is by no means an adult toy exclusive to the gay male market, has been around since as far back as 1200 when it was first used by the Jin and Song dynasties by the Chinese, whereas the Fleshjack brand of Fleshlight male masturbators was launched specifically for gay men in 2007.

Gay Sex Toys for the Inexperienced Male

Products tailored more towards the beginner in homosexual male adult toys include items such as male sex toy starter kits. These kits are a relatively inexpensive way of trying out a whole host of male-specific products and consist of adult sex toys such as penis pumps, butt plugs and cock rings. A butt plug, also known as an anal plug, is also a firm favourite within the gay male community as it stimulates the anal passage. Anal beads also fall into this category. The majority of anal bead strings feature beads that graduate in size the further you go up the string meaning that the user can insert as many beads as they feel comfortable with. Many also come with a hand grip for easy release. Butt plugs are available in a variety of lengths and girths depending upon what level you are at. Some anal plugs are available as anal training kits and usually comprise of three different sizes of butt plugs. A cock ring is commonly employed by men of all sexual orientations to enhance and prolong the quality of an erection by restricting the blood flow to the penis.

Traditional Sex Toys for Gay Men

Sex pumps temporarily help to enhance the length, girth and hardness of the manhood by creating a vacuum in the cylinder which causes extra blood to rush to the penis. Male sex dolls feature vibrating and non-vibrating erect cocks, deep anuses and inviting mouths for endless possibilities. Dildos with balls and realistic vein and penis head detailing also are also popular. For the more experienced gay male, anal vibrators and vibrating butt plugs provide variable speed manipulation for the anal passageway. Anal plugs with ridges either part of or all the way along the length of the shaft also provide supplementary anal stimulation. Vibrating cock rings facilitate a similar reaction but for the penis. A pleasure wand is a double ended device that massages the scrotum and balls with one end whilst the other end sends stimulating vibrations to the anus/prostate. Male g-spot stimulators pivot to massage the g-spot deep inside the anus generating an incredibly intense orgasm.

Male Masturbators

Male Masturbators are another popular male sex toy for all male sexual orientations although male masturbators do not just come in the form of false vaginas and masturbation sleeves. In today’s marketplace several male masturbators cater specifically for gay men. They include vibrating anuses and tubes that have openings in them in the form of an anus. The most popular of the gay male masturbators available are the range of Fleshjacks. A member of the Fleshlight family (a new kind of masturbation tube), Fleshjacks not only feature the characteristic real-skin feeling within the tubes but the openings come in the form of butts and anuses while some of their inner sleeves replicate the insides of an anal passageway making it the most realistic penetrative feeling from a male masturbator.

The most important thing to consider whether new or experienced in the use of gay male sex toys is that the anus does not produce any natural lubrication so it is imperative that an anal lubricant is used to make penetration a much more pleasant and easier experience.

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The Top 10 Discreet Sex Toy Essentials For Your Summer Holiday

The summer has come around again so you are probably looking forward to a much earned rest on your summer holiday. Wherever it is you have planned to go to and for however long the duration of your stay, don’t forget to take your favourite adult toy with you. If your favourite dildos or vibrators are fairly sizable you may not think they are practical to take with you due to lack of room in your luggage. If you are going on a family holiday, you may also be concerned that the children may discover them and start asking awkward questions. Sinful Sensations have come up with a list of sex toy essentials, condoms and sexual lubricants for couples that are small enough to go unnoticed and quiet enough not to be heard. The top ten essentials are as follows:

1. Basix His and Hers G-Spot Tickler The slim-line G-Spot Tickler jelly dildo is curved so that it can find either his or her g-spot with expert ease. Its flat base makes it easy to hold onto during penetration.

2. RingO Super-Stretchy Gel Erection Cock Ring Designed to fit men of all sizes because of its stretchy gel consistency, this silicone penis ring is a simple way to produce fuller, firmer erections and help prevent premature ejaculation.

3. Lipvibe Cunningly disguised as a lipstick, this small vibrator can be carried around in your handbag so will not even take up any room in your suitcase! It may only be 3 inches long but its powerful motor still delivers reassuringly powerful vibrations.

4. Cupid’s Two Finger Tingler At only 1.75 inches long, you may not think this vibe delivers much in the way of power but you would be wrong! Place this quiet vibe between two fingers to stimulate during intercourse or during foreplay.

5. Mini Mates Jive The completely waterproof Mini Mates Jive is activated at the push of a button. Choose from any of its five different stimulating speeds. Remove the bullet from its silicone sleeve to use separately for twice the fun.

6. Anal Finger Stimulator Butt Plug For anal stimulation, this 2.5 inch long soft silicone butt plug with a finger hole is ideal for anal play and will definitely take up the minimum of room when you are packing.

7. Bijoux Good Vibrations Bullet The Good Vibrations Bullet generates buzz after buzz at the touch of a button and comes in a sweetie style bag – what could be more discreet?

8. BongO Vibrating Cock Ring with Pleasure Ball This stretchy cock ring provides both partners with stimulations from the vibrations, helps him to maintain a stronger and longer lasting erection and imparts her with clitoral stimulation.

9. ID Pleasure Lubricant 57ml Travel Tube Available in an ultra convenient travel tube, this latex compatible lube heightens sensations to the erogenous zones for both men and women. Men should benefit from a firmer, thicker and more long-lasting erection while women should experience more sensitised genitalia.

10. Skins Condoms Assorted 12 Pack Condoms are perhaps one of the most important things to remember to take with you on your holiday. This pack consists of four Natural, four Dots and Ribs and four Ultra Thin so you can swap and change as the mood takes you.

To view the complete selection of adult toys, condoms and lubricants available from Sinful Sensations visit the Sexy Summer Ideas.

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Vibrators Are Sex Tools For Women

Vibrators were found in Pompeii after an earthquake buried alive the vibrant city. The earthquake occurred in 79 AD but these sex toys have probably been in use for much longer than two thousand years. This illustrates how women need the assistance of something other than a male penis to achieve sexual satisfaction.

Sex toys for women were not always electronic but were designed to be vibrated manually within the body. It is estimated that only a third of women achieve organism in the same quick way that men do. Perhaps this is why sex toys have been discretely used for so many centuries in civilized societies.

In the Victoria era vibrators enjoyed a respectable status. They were used by doctors to treat hysteria. Anorexia Nervosa may have been known as ‘consumption’ then but masturbation has been recommended for that condition too. Victorian doctors reportedly grew weary of the time and effort required to bring about the condition now known as orgasm and welcomed the invention of an electronic vibrator which reduced the amount of time and effort required.

In 1960 a trial in the British High Court found that the novel, ‘Lady Chatterley’s Lover’ was not obscene. It had literary merit despite the fact that it was liberally laced with taboo words. This decision unleashed a sexual revolution in countries like sex toys Canada, America and Britain. The personal vibrator enjoyed a new lease on life, in the light of female acceptance of sexual pleasure as a legitimate need.

Apparently many electronic sex tools get on with the job more effectively than men do. The only baggage that they bring with them is some soft packaging and they can keep going for much longer than a man can. With the advent of the sexual revolution many new models have made their appearance and the picky woman can make her selection without fear of rejection or infidelity. She may choose from a wide range of colours, textures and sizes.

The rabbit family of vibrators have appendages that are designed to excite the vagina and clitoris simultaneously. They can keep going with more or less intensity until the ecstasy becomes unbearable. Newer versions can add a thrusting motion to what is already a fulsome sensation.

Some women like to have a sense of continual satisfaction as they wear an egg or bullet shaped dildo that vibrates mildly giving an ongoing sensation of pleasure. These may be slipped into handbags, or even disguised as a tube of lipstick.

Most modern vibrators are capable of high, low or medium speeds and levels will be capable of at least three levels of intensity. The g-spot vibrator will be curved in order to touch that tender spot just inside the vagina. It may be fashioned out of soft material and be coated with jelly or silicone.

The cell phone is a fairly recent invention that has many aptitudes to serve as a modern vibrator. It can be set to produce a pleasing buzz and has an excellent alibi for being carried around constantly. In the early twentieth century vibrators were sold as back massagers or electric torches, so not much has changed in this respect, since the sex toy days in Pompeii.

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The Stages of Pornography Addiction

First of all, I will explain the difference between sex addiction and porn addiction as the 2 are very different.

Dr Patrick Carnes was the first person to coin the phrase “sex addict” in his 1983 book “Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction”. Then in the first landmark study of sex addicts and their families in the 1980s (summarised in Carne’s 1991 book “Don’t Call it Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction” documenting his work with 1000 sex addicts) Dr Carnes found that those who were neglected, abused, molested or raped as children or who were otherwise exposed to violence and/ or sexually inappropriate behavior at a young age are those most at risk for developing sex addiction. Dr Carnes concluded that sex addicts use sex as a way to self medicate and to numb their psychological pain.

Sex is therefore their PRIMARY drug NOT pornography although pornography is often a huge factor in sex addiction with Dr Carnes reporting that 90% of the men and 77% of the women in his study saying pornography was significant to their addictions. The late Dr Victor Cline too – another expert in sex addiction who treated hundreds of men afflicted with sexual addictions/ sexual compulsions – found that in 94% of the cases he came across, pornography was a contributing factor or direct causal agent in the acquiring of what he called “sexual illnesses.

Pornography addiction on the other hand is a whole different addiction which is present with or without childhood trauma and can lead to escalating sexual behaviors and does as the addiction escalates but this does not make them sex addicts. Porn addiction is a separate addiction in its own right and not a sub set of sex addiction.

The two addictions are very different and need to be treated differently.

Pornography addicts are not hooked on sex. They are hooked on masturbating to virtual people – pixels and not humans in the flesh as those addicted to sex are. Often those addicted to porn end up finding it impossible to get aroused or even develop an erection with real live people and/ or are increasingly found to be virgins and can only become aroused with virtual people.

It can get complicated though to know where one addiction ends and the other begins as nothing in life is that absolute but in the main sex addicts usually have childhood trauma somewhere and sex is their primary addiction and porn addicts are less likely to have childhood trauma as compared to those addicted to sex and masturbating to pornography is their primary addiction.

THE STAGES OF PORN ADDICTION

STAGE 1 – EARLY EXPOSURE

Children are exposed to pornography at a young age and this is nearly always sooner or later accompanied by masturbation as the addiction gets a foot in the door. Pre-Internet, addicts usually found an adult’s “porn stash” (usually their Fathers and usually Playboys) between the ages of about 7 and 13 years but in our post Internet age, children are being exposed from many more places in our mainstream entertainment including music videos and video games – which is often “soft core porn” in nature. It is impossible to estimate at what ages children are being exposed in today’s high speed Internet age – and to what extent – as this is all still playing itself out as our Internet age settles into our culture…

STAGE 2 – ADDICTION

Masturbating to pornography becomes a regular part of life. Addiction has occurred. A person keeps coming back to porn and has to regularly masturbate to it. They’re hooked and can’t get through life without it. They will use it as a pain reliever for coping with life just as an alcoholic uses alcohol to cope with their life.

Dr Norman Doidge – in his book “The Brain Which Changes Itself” – where he discusses how our thoughts can change the structure and function of our brains due to a process called “neuroplasticity” says: “Pornographers promise healthy pleasure and relief from sexual tension but what they often deliver is addiction, tolerance and an eventual decrease in pleasure. Paradoxically, the male patients I worked with often craved pornography but didn’t like it. The usual view is that an addict goes back for more of their fix because they like the pleasure it gives and doesn’t like the pain of withdrawal. But addicts take drugs when there is no prospect of pleasure, when they know they have an insufficient dose to make them high and will crave more before they begin to withdraw. Wanting and liking are two different things.”

Dr Doidge explains that “addicts experience cravings because their ‘plastic brain’ (related to neuroplasticity) has become sensitized to the drug or the experience. Sensitization leads to increased wanting.” Or in other words: addicts need more and more of the drug to get the same effect. Porn addicts end up building up a tolerance to the content and soon need harder, more violent, graphic and twisted content to get the same effect just as an alcoholic needs stronger and more frequent alcohol to get the same effect as their addiction escalates.

STAGE 3 – ESCALATION

Due to the addict’s need for harder and harder pornography, their addiction deepens and escalates. What porn worked once at getting them fully aroused enough to genitally orgasm now doesn’t even touch the sides and they have to keep upping the ante to even more dangerous and risqué images and videos including scenes involving children and animals. The things addicts end up viewing are usually things they would once have found abhorrent. With the onset of the Internet age, an addict can see more psychologically damaging sexual images in one bender session that their ancestors would have saw in a couple of lifetimes.

It is during this stage too that addicts will also begin having webcam sex, calling sex hotlines and/ or engaging in other types of virtual sex.

STAGE 4 – DESENSITIZATION/ DEHUMUNIZATION

Addicts are now so used to viewing brutal, grotesque and twisted pornography that they become desensitized to it and end up needing even more brutal, grotesque and twisted pornography to keep being surprised enough to develop sufficient arousal to be able to keep masturbating to full genital orgasms. Within that process, they become dehumanized and less and less able to feel empathy – both for performers and/ or animals in porn scenes and those who they are intimately involved with in their personal lives. Part of them shuts off and they become cold and indifferent to the suffering of those they love and the suffering of those on the screens they are viewing. They become dehumanized in the process.

Dr Victor Cline explains that “A frequent side effect (of regularly masturbating to porn) is that it also dramatically reduces (the person’s) capacity to love. Their sexual side becomes – in a sense – dehumanized. Many of them develop an alien ego state (or dark side), whose core is anti-social lust devoid of most values.” In time, the ‘high’ obtained from masturbating to porn becomes more important than real-life relationships. It makes no difference if one is an eminent physician, attorney, minister, athlete, corporate executive, college president, unskilled labourer or an average 15 year old boy. All can be conditioned into deviancy. In my experience as a sexual therapist, any individual who regularly masturbates to pornography is at risk of becoming, in time, a sexual addict, as well as conditioning himself into having a sexual deviancy and/or disturbing a bonded relationship with a spouse or girlfriend.”

Dr Cline continues “The process of masturbatory conditioning is inexorable and does not spontaneously remiss. The course of this illness may be slow and is nearly always hidden from view. It is usually a secret part of the man’s life, and like a cancer, it keeps growing and spreading. It rarely ever reverses itself, and it is also very difficult to treat and heal. Denial on the part of the male addict and refusal to confront the problem are typical and predictable, and this almost always leads to marital or couple disharmony, sometimes divorce and sometimes the breaking up of other intimate relationships”

STAGE 5 – ACTING OUT SEXUALLY

In the end, even the most extreme, twisted, violent, grotesque and risqué porn will not be enough to do the trick and the addict will have to start acting out sexually. This may include encouraging an intimate partner to engage in more extreme sexual fantasy behavior; exhibitionism like posting explicit and out of character videos of themselves on Tube sites; inappropriate sexting; infidelity; obscene phone calls; advertising for sex online or offline; inappropriately touching family members of all ages depending upon what kind of porn they have been watching during benders; soliciting prostitutes (and often of the type that is not that person’s sexuality so a straight person may hire a gay or shemale prostitute for example and a gay addict may hire a prostitute of the opposite sex); stalking; sexual abuse of an animal; sexual violence including rape; exposing themselves and even pedophilia when that person is more often but not even a pedophile. Their acting out behavior will more often than not – be related to what porn they have been exposed to and what that porn has encouraged them to fantasize about.

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Advantages of Real Estate Investing

Investing in real estate is as advantageous and as attractive as investing in the stock market. I would say it has three times more prospects of making money than any other business. But, But, But… since, it is equally guided by the market forces; you cannot undermine the constant risks involved in the real estate. Let me begin discussing with you the advantages of real estate investments. I found the advantages as most suited and really practical.

Advantages

Real Estate Investments are Less Risky

As compared to other investments, less of misadventure is involved in a real estate property. I will not get away from the fact that just like any investment you make; you have the risk of losing it. Real estate investments are traditionally considered a stable and rich gainer, provided if one takes it seriously and with full sagacity. The reasons for the real estate investments becoming less risky adventure primarily relate to various socio-economic factors, location, market behavior, the population density of an area; mortgage interest rate stability; good history of land appreciation, less of inflation and many more. As a rule of thumb, if you have a geographical area where there are plenty of resources available and low stable mortgage rates, you have good reason for investing in the real estate market of such a region. On the contrary, if you have the condo in a place, which is burgeoning under the high inflation, it is far-fetched to even think of investing in its real estate market.

No Need for Huge Starting Capital

A real estate property in Canada can be procured for an initial amount as low as $8,000 to $ 15,000, and the remaining amount can be taken on holding the property as security. This is what you call High Ratio Financing. If you don’t have the idea as to how it works, then let me explain you with the help of an example. Remember that saying… Examples are better than percepts!

Supposing, you buy a condo worth $200,000, then you have to just pay the initial capital amount say 10% of $200,000. The remaining amount (which is 90%) can be financed, against your condo. It means that in a High Ratio financing, the ratio between the debt (here in the example it is 90% Mortgage) and the equity (here in the example it is 10% down payment) is very high. It is also important to calculate high ratio mortgage insurance with the help of Canada Mortgage and Housing Corporation (CMHC). If needed, you can also purchase the condo on 100% mortgage price.

Honing Investment Skills

A real estate investment, especially when you buy a condo for yourself, will be a pleasurable learning experience. It gives you the opportunity to learn and when I went ahead with my first real estate property, I was totally a dump man. Ask me now, and I can tell you everything, from A to Z. Necessity is the mother of all inventions. I had the necessity to buy the property and so I tried with it, and I was successful. I acquired all the knowledge and skills through experience of selling and purchasing the residential property. Thanks to my job. It gave me the experience to become an investor.

Not a time taking Adventure

Real estate investment will not take out all your energies, until you are prepared and foresighted to take the adventure in full swing. You can save hell lot of time, if you are vigilant enough to know the techniques of making a judicious investment in the right time and when there are good market conditions prevailing at that point of time.

You should be prepared to time yourself. Take some time out, and do market research. Initiate small adventures that involve negotiating real estate deals, buying a property, managing it and then selling it off. Calculate the time invested in your real estate negotiation. If the time was less than the optimum time, you have done it right. And if you end up investing more time, then you need to work it out again, and make some real correction for consummating next deals. You have various ways and methodologies, called the Real Estate Strategies that can make it happen for you in the right manner.

Leverage is the Right Way

The concept of leverage in real estate is not a new one. It implies investing a part of your money and borrowing the rest from other sources, like banks, investment companies, finance companies, or other people’s money (OPM). There have been many instances where people have become rich by practically applying OPM Leverage Principal. As I had discussed under the sub head – No Need for Huge Starting Capital, the high ratio financing scheme gives an opportunity of no risk to the lenders, as the property becomes the security. Moreover, in case the lender is interested in selling the property, the net proceeds resulting from the sale of the property should comfortably cover the mortgage amount.

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Real Estate Leads For Realtors

Because real estate prices have dropped quite a bit, the potential commissions that real estate agents and brokers could earn have also dropped. But the drop in commissions can be more than offset by the amount of properties that can be sold. And getting quality real estate leads is one of the keys to making this a reality for real estate professionals. This is because there are so many more properties on the market now than there were before the bubble burst.

The rise in the number of homeowners who are underwater on their mortgages has increased so much that a very large number of them have decided that they cannot afford to stay in their homes. They would rather sell their home and buy a comparable home for a much lower price, and take the loss so that they can improve their cash flow situation by having a lower mortgage payment each month. And since there is no shortage of properties to buy, these people had no problem finding a suitable home for a good price.

And another result of the rise in available properties is that more and more people are becoming first-time homeowners. Since prices on homes are falling, more and more people are able to afford a home for the same amount they are currently paying in rent. So the logical choice for these people is to buy a house rather than continuing to rent.

These factors all lead to one thing – a higher need for real estate agents to help the buying and selling of all of these properties. Therefore, even though prices have fallen, the quantity of available properties, buyers, and sellers has raised which more than makes up for the lower prices in terms of how much a given real estate agent could make in the current real estate market. And as we all know, the more clients a real estate agent has, the more properties they’ll sell and the more money they’ll make.

The problem comes in when a real estate agent has already gone through their current client list. The best way for them to get more clients is to somehow obtain more real estate leads. Not only do they need more leads, they need high quality leads if they are going to be successful in converting a high number of them into clients who actually follow through on buying and/or selling one or more properties.

So how can you get more real estate leads? There are of course many different ways. These include buying them from an agency that offers them, advertising, subscribing to lead generation websites, developing and keeping current your own real estate website that draws potential

clients to it, and best of all by getting them through your own network. There are undoubtedly other ways of generating real estate leads as well, but these are the most common methods – all of which have proven to work to a certain degree.

One of the easiest ways to get real estate leads is by purchasing them. There are companies whose sole purpose is to find people who want to buy or sell a property. They then sell this information to people who are willing to pay for it. So if you are a real estate agent looking for real estate leads and either don’t have the time to find your own, or simply don’t want to, then this may be a good option for you.

There are two different major ways to do this. You can purchase the real estate leads from a company as a set of data that you will get in the form of a list or spreadsheet. Then you will need to start sifting through them and using the data available to qualify and categorize them yourself. And after that, it’s time to start making calls to find out they are valid leads or not.

The other way of purchasing real estate leads is by subscribing to a real estate lead generator website that will send you much smaller lists of leads on a regular basis. This can be nice because the information is likely to be much more current than buying a single very large list of leads. But this also means that there are fewer to work with so it doesn’t give you as much freedom in terms of choosing who to contact first.

Purchasing real estate leads or subscribing to a lead generation website can also be expensive. This can be a very bad thing since the whole intent of buying leads is to find clients, sell properties, and make commissions, if the leads that you buy don’t turn into commissions. In that case, not only did you not sell any properties (or many properties), but you wasted money on worthless information, and you wasted time contacting worthless leads when you could have been working on finding good real estate leads instead.

Another way to generate real estate leads is by advertising. If you are a real estate agent, broker, or business person, advertising your services may be a good way to generate real estate leads. This type of lead generation is great because rather than you doing the work to find people who want to buy or sell a property, the tables are turned and they come looking for you instead.

In addition to having people try to find you instead of you trying to find them, there is another benefit to advertising to generate real estate leads. The people who are trying to find you are already definitely interested in buying or selling a property. This means that you don’t have to worry about whether they are going to turn out to be qualified leads or not, because they definitely will be.

A similar way to generate real estate leads by advertising which can be even more effective than simply advertising on a billboard or in the paper is by setting up your own real estate website. Websites are surprisingly inexpensive to have hosted, and having one developed for you doesn’t have to be expensive either. And if you learn the basics of website development, you’ll be able to maintain it by yourself after it’s been set up so that you can always keep it current.

The reasons to keep your website current cannot be understated. First, you have to keep it updated with the properties you are trying to sell so that the people who visit your website will have something to look at – and since this list of properties will be changing frequently as your client list grows and changes, you’ll need to change your website often to incorporate the new properties and eliminate the ones that are no longer available.

A second reason for keeping your website updated on a regular basis your page rank will grow higher. Search engines use a number of factors to determine how relevant they are to certain keywords, and where to display them in a list of search results. And one of the biggest things that moves a website toward the top of the list is it’s page rank, which is greatly affected by how active and how current the website is. So the more often you update your website, the higher its page rank will be, the higher it’ll show up in search results related to real estate keywords, and the more visitors you’ll get to your site.

Once you get visitors to your site, you’ll be getting the exposure you want to potential clients for free. They can stay on your site for as long as they want to and look at as few or as many properties as they want to. And you don’t have to do anything in order to help them. In fact there could be thousands of people all on your website at the same time. That is something that you would not likely ever have the opportunity to do in person. This phenomenon is what is known as leverage, and leverage is what can turn a small business into a fortune 500 business in short order when managed correctly.

The best way to do real estate lead generation also happens to be one of the most difficult – at least in the beginning. The method of finding leads is by building a very large network, and using it. This is one of the best ways to get leads because it is one of the most surprisingly effective ways. But unfortunately, it’s also one of the more difficult ways to start, and takes a while to yield significant results.

The first thing you’ll need to do is to start building your network. And it’s not that you just need to start building it, you need to intentionally focus on building your network each end every day, no matter where you are or who you’re talking to. This is because for most people, networking does not come naturally.

If you are like most people, you are probably somewhat shy and don’t make it a point to intentionally meet and talk to new people on a regular basis. But if you want to build a network, you’ll have to do exactly that. This is something that can come as a challenge to say the least, both emotionally and technically, but it is well worth the effort in the long run.

It can be emotionally difficult because a large part of building a large network is dealing with rejection. And if you want to build a large network quickly, you’ll have to deal with a lot of rejection each and every day. Too many people, being rejected is taken personally and it ends up wearing them down so that they eventually give up before they gain the benefits that building a large network provides. But if you can learn how to not take rejection personally, you’ll succeed where so many others have given up and failed as a result.

And networking to generate real estate leads can be done almost anywhere. When you need to put some gas in your car, park on the other side of the pump from someone who’s already there and try to strike up a conversation where you’ll be able to tell them that you’re in the real estate business and can help them or anyone else they know who may be looking to buy or sell. And if you’re really serious about it, you may want to only get $10 or some other small amount of gas at a time so that you’ll need to go to the gas station more often and have more opportunities to network.

You can also build your network by meeting new people at any other place. You could talk to someone at the grocery store, library, church, waiting in line at the bank, or anywhere you are around other people for more than a few minutes at a time and starting a conversation wouldn’t be too awkward. It can be done anywhere, with just about anyone, at almost any time. And the more dedicated you are to it, the faster you’ll be able to grow your network and the better off you’ll be in the long run.

Some of the best ways to network are by talking to the people you already know. These are people who are already in your network, and you can use them to help you grow your network even larger. The most obvious way is to simply ask them if they are interested in buying or selling a property in the near future, and to keep you in mind if they are.

But another way to help you grow your network is to ask them who they know that may be interested in buying or selling a property. You are basically asking them for real estate leads using different words. You could ask them for the names and numbers of people who they know who may be interested in buying or selling a property, or you could ask them to give your contact information to the people they have in mind when you ask them that question.

It’s a great idea to have business cards with your contact information made up when you’re networking. That way you won’t have to rely on people’s memories which are definitely not the most reliable things when compared to something they can simply read from a card. Cards on the other hand make it so that the person you are giving your contact information to doesn’t have to rely on their memory, and it puts forth a more professional image as well which can only benefit you.

Real estate values have taken a dive and one of the results has led to there being many, many more properties on the market now compared to before the economy took a dive in 2008. This means that even though the prices are lower, the higher quantity of properties on the market make it possible to buy and sell more of them and make more money in commissions as a result which will more than make up for the decreased individual property values.

I order to sell more properties you must have more clients. And to get more clients, you need to have more real estate leads. These real estate leads can be generated in a variety of different ways, all of which can be useful to real estate professionals. Having reliable leads will definitely result in more clients, more sales, and more money made in commissions. Purchasing them, advertising for them, or getting them from your network is all great ways go get leads that all have their own strengths and weaknesses. Pick the one that will work best for you, and you’ll be on your way to making more money through real estate in less time that you think.

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